Press Gang Sacks Newbury!

Press Gang
By Dick Straughan
January 14 2007

Their return has been overdue. Their past the source of much mystery, intrigue and legend. They have however returned! The Press Gang is once more! Is any foreign ground safe from plunder?

At shortly before 7am yesterday morning the Cornish village of Crowlas was awoken by the belting throb of a diesel engine in full cry. Cap`n Tony Green eased back on the throttle as he approached the Star Inn, and I jumped aboard joining a hastily assembled crew for the next adventure of the Press Gang.

In a Transit minibus probably as old as the national league system itself, and cruelly nicknamed the "Camborne Wreck", Cap`n Tony steered us through the shallows of Truro and onto St Austell where we picked up the remainder of our hearty crew. With the roll call complete we hit the deep water channel of the A30 a little before 9 o`clock, hoisted the mainsail, coaxed a handful of forward gears from the reluctant Transit and headed east for the rich pickings of Newbury.

With the wind at our backs and leaden skies above, Cap`n Tony navigated by dead reckoning. The mood of the crew was good as they settled into their cramped quarters and talk soon turned to the prospect of a bountiful mission. Keen to maintain such good morale Cap`n Tony steered the Camborne Wreck into the port of Taunton Deane in search of provisions. Unfortunately he reckoned without the presence of another great Pirate vessel - The Motorway Service Station - and as one we were forced to hand over large sums of coinage in exchange for meagre rations. Yet their crew were young and inexperienced, and the bald one with the trolley clearly mad, and the stalwarts of the Press Gang were able to slip away unnoticed as the wailing child of an Albion mercenary diverted their attention.

The journey east continued in good humour and Cap`n Tony brought us in through the defences of a congested Newbury town centre shortly after midday. Our objective at Monks Lane hove into view on the port side and we hoisted the colours of a Queen`s merchantman to slip into the inner harbour. Safely in port we had time for grog - lots of it - and the crew drank ale until they could drink no more. Reinforcements arrived at regular intervals and very soon the home defences were overrun. A loud and noisy regiment of Pirates supporters, bedecked in a myriad of shirts, scarves and hats, held the clubhouse corner to the end repelling every hint of a verbal challenge. The mighty Pirates on the field hauled themselves forward for one final assault on the Newbury lines, and forced onwards by the might of 200 allies in full cry, crashed over for the decisive score. The battle had been won and moments later Pirates stood to applaud Pirates.

In the mess the hierarchy of Pirates Command fraternised with the troops. Respect was mutual and much ale was drunk. News reached us that the Albion had been sunk and the Donny badly holed. Our mission had been a success.

Cap`n Tony rallied his troops and clutching the spoils of victory we set sail into the night bound for Cornwall. The Master at the helm remained ever watchful whilst the crew slept soundly. Just before midnight we slipped back over the border to safety.

Roll of Honour - The Press Gang Crew

Cap`n Tony "Arfur" Green
Dick "Crowlasboy" Straughan
Edwin & Carole Bryant
George Trewhella
Rod & Margaret Lyon
"King" Arthur King
Graham & Margaret Jenkin
James "OzzelPirate" Skeplorn.............debut mission as a travelling Pirate!
Mark "Yog" Curtis........................debut mission as a travelling Pirate.