Eric & Ernie - England A - Report what they wrote.

He's kicked it Ern!!
By Maverick
February 18 2003

This week, Morecombe and Wise take a look at last Friday's England "A" game..... The Scene: Eric and Ernies living room, Ern is typing away at his latest epic, Eric saunters in from the left, pipe in hand. Eric looks over Ern's shoulder.......

Eric: What ya doing Ern?
Ern: Just finishing something
Eric: Ohh, a play, Ern?
Ern: Yes, Eric, my latest masterpiece, like what I wrote. (smugly) I'm really proud of this one
Eric (Puffs on pipe and looks curious) what's it about then?
Ern: Rugby
Eric: You've written a play about a town? Rugby, what's wrong with Luton?
Ern: Nothing's wrong with Luton, Eric, but this is about sport, about Rugby Union
Eric: Ohh....what's it all about then?
Ern: It's about an epic battle played out on a cold Friday night as a mighty warrior comes back from the dead to confound his critics against an old enemy to finally win the day.
Eric: Is it a love story?
Ern: No, it's not a love story, Eric, it's about noble deeds, someone finding his calling after years in the wilderness.
Eric: There must be songs in it Ern.
Ern: Not sure about the songs yet Eric. Now leave me be.....
Eric: I like Mary Hopkin, you know, she'd be good.....

The scene; later that night.Eric and Ern in bed, Eric still with pipe in hand, Ern scribbling away furiously at his script.

Eric: How you doing Shakespeare, because I could do with some cocoa but I don't want to disturb you.
Ern (sighing): I'm doing O.K thanks
Eric: I didn't disturb you then did I Ern, because that's the last thing I want to do
Ern(bigger sigh) : no you didn't disturb me Eric, now just leave me alone whilst I try and finish this.
Eric: O.K.....Where have you got to so far?
Ern: half time
Eric: what's happened so far?
Ern: Well, it's England 'A' against France 'A' and our hero is back playing in a white shirt for the first time in years.
Eric: Didn't he have a washing machine?
Ern: No, Eric, it's the white shirt of England
Eric: Ooh, I see. So, who's the hero?
Ern: Paul Grayson
Eric: Do I know him, Ern?
Ern: you should Eric, he's one of England's most prolific points scorers in Rugby.
Eric: are we back to Luton again?
Eric: ARSENALLLLL!
Ern(starting to get tetchy) can we get back to my script?
Eric: sorry, Ern, what's happening?
Ern: Well the hero is keeping England in the game at half time, they are only a point down, it's 9-10
Eric, And now we're into the second half?
Ern: yep now it's the second half.
Eric: Can I look at the script, Ern? (Ern hands over the script)

Eric: I'll tell you what Ern, it's a good 'un that, first half/second half, you can't see the join!
Ern: Can I tell you what happens next?
Eric: Do I have a choice?
Ern: oh, come on Eric, you always have go at my plays, you know you like them really (smiles quietly to himself)
Eric: I know they are good Ern, because you tell me how good they are!
(Ern goes back to his writing, Eric stares wistfully into space......)

Eric: So who is going to play the lead (looks at Ern with a steady gaze)
Ern: Well, not you! I have someone in mind, a national entertainer of great renown who could pull of this role in his sleep
Eric: Not Des O'!
Ern: No, not Des O', he's Australian, he can't play for England.
Eric: Sorry Ern. (looking around) Is he here yet?
Ern: Is who here yet, oh never mind.
Eric: You don't mean Larry do you Ern? He'd be good him.
Ern: No, Eric, I've lined up Simon McCorquindale for the lead.

(Another silence as both ponder the facts)

Eric: Do we win then?
Ern: Of course we win, 30-13!
Eric: and Grayson's the hero?
Ern: yes, HE'S the hero.
Eric: So which part do I play?
Ern: You play the Grecian
Eric: What's a Grecian, Ern?
Ern: About 3 drachma's an hour!!!

WAAAAYYYYYY HAAAAYYYYYY!!!!
It's a good 'un that.......


Next week......Wales vs. England reviewed by Henry Blofeld,