One Wedding, 18 Text Messages and No Funeral
collar and cuffs!
By Maverick
May 17 2005
July 2004. The fixture list is announced and it looks like Saints are playing their last match of the 2004/5 season away at Worcester. "That's good", I remark to Jackie, "Wuss away, last match, a new ground, should be fun."
"Ah, hang on", she says, "Andrew and Emma are getting married around that time. Yup here we go, April 30th. Is that the same day?"
Of course it was.....
April 30, 2005.
So, we're off to Brum for a family wedding on the day of reckoning. Jackie is resplendent in her new dress. Ben and I are suited and booted, sporting our Saints ties and (for your correspondant) Saintsman cufflinks. The weather is foul as we depart Northampton. Indeed, as we approach Birmingham the dullness of the day strikes a chord as I drive us up the Bristol Road toward the church. The grey skies reflect my mood. I'm totally helpless, reliant on the goodwill of others to keep me informed of events just 30 miles down the road.
ONE WEDDING.
The bride looks gorgeous in white. The groom is as nervous as I'm sure I was just seven months ago at our own nuptials. Aha! A black suit, gold cravat and that hint of green in the buttonhole will do for me! It's a sign! Clutching at straws? Probably. Do we care at this point? Do we hell as like.
So, we sing, we clap, we take our places for the photos. Ben nudges me. "Hour and a half to kick-off". "Thanks for that mate. Don't worry, we'll be fine". Off to the reception.
18 TEXT MESSAGES.
After a 20 minute ride across Brum (past Cadbury World if you are interested), we arrive at the Hotel for the reception. It's approaching three o'clock. "I can't get Hereford and Worcester on the radio, Ben. Sorry, buddy, I hope Rich and Louisa come good."
"Bucks Fizz, Sir?" "Thank you" (they've kicked off now and we've heard nothing). The bride and groom arrive and we mingle with family. "Big match today then?" says Jackie's brother as he clocks the tie. "Yeah, just a bit", I reply as I look again at the phone...
MESSAGE 1
15.13pm Big Rich Mobile (BRM)
0-6 after 12
So what's that? Are we winning?
MESSAGE 2
15.15pm Mav
to us?
MESSAGE 3
15.18pm BRM
Yes
Woohoo! Of course, at this point I have no idea who is on the park. Was it Larry or Shane? Quite frankly, who gives a monkeys, we're in front.
MESSAGE 4
15.22pm BRM
7-6 Wuss on 18 mins
MESSAGE 5
15.24pm BARRY MOB
7-6 Wuss 12-0 Quins
Bugger. And Quins are in front as well. I relay the information on. "Ben, Quins are in front and...Wuss and leading too". Ben, "I can't stand this....". And we are only twenty minutes into the game....(Still, at least Beef is taking the time to text, so that's three peeps helping us out)
MESSAGE 6
15.29pm BRM
Digger scores!
MESSAGE 7
15.32pm BARRY MOB
7-13 Saints 12-10 Quins
MESSAGE 8
15.47pm BARRY MOB
14-13 ht
What? Oh no, what's happened? "Ben, we're behind again, Wuss must have scored".
It's half time, Saints are behind and we walk into the reception. "Are you OK?" asks Robert, one of Jackie's brothers. "You're nervous as a kitten walking on a hot tin roof". Indeed I am. It may be rather a mixed metaphor bt it's exceedingly apt.
MESSAGE 9
15.49pm BRM
HT 14-13
MESSAGE 10
15.52pm LOUISA
I didn't save it but it's a half-time round up of all the scores.
We're sitting round the table awaiting dinner. The soup is brought out and it looks lovely. Full and creamy and full of vegetables (it's vegetable soup!) and I'm sure it's tastes superb. I try a few mouthfuls but my heart's not in it. I'VE GOT NO SIGNAL!!!! Oh no, not now, please! And there's nothing from the phone for almost half an hour. The main course (just in case you are interested) is chicken. With roasties and all the usual veg. It looks lovely. Two mouthfuls and I'm done. Absolutely no appetite. What's happening at Sixways?
MESSAGE 11
16.21pm LOUISA
currently Saints 13-14 Wuss, Quins 22-13 Sale, Bath 6-0 Leeds, Tigs 33-3 Wasps, Falcons 11-13..
MESSAGE 12
16.26pm BEEF MOB
14-16
We're in front?
MESSAGE 13
16.29pm BRM
Drahm penalty. 14-16
"Ben, we're in front". "What?" "We're winning mate, Shine's kicked a penalty" "How long left?" Damned if I know, buddy"
So, by now we're relaxing(?) after the wedding dinner and soon the speeches will start. The signal on the mobile is intermittent due to the low roof but I reckon I've a few minutes grace. "Jackie, I'm just going out for some air....."
MESSAGE 14
16.40pm LOUISA
Saints 16-14Wuss Quins 22-23 Sale Bath 6-3 Leeds
SALE ARE IN FRONT, oh no, this is getting worse. No, it's getting better! How long's left? "Are you OK?" asks a fellow guest as he draws on a cigarette in the car park. I can't explain now. It's just, "Saints, blah, blah, blah, total rubbish. What the hell is happening?
MESSAGE 15
16.43pm BRM
Wuss try 21-16 5 mins to go. Sale have just taken the lead.
MESSAGE 16
16.49.pm BRM
Saints lose 21-19
And then nothing. For what seems like hours, although it's just a few minutes. Ben asks what's going on. I've haven't a clue. Quins are still playing and within a score. Are we safe? Are we down?
MESSAGE 17
16.58pm LOUISA
WE'RE SAFE!! Quins down, lost 22-23. We finish 2nd from bottom so no play offs. Now go out and enjoy yourselves...WE'RE SAFE!!
MESSAGE 18
17.04pm BARRY MOB
Quins go down!
NO FUNERAL
And there we have it. Saints, safe in the top flight for next season. How we got into this mess has been discussed ad infinitum on the message boards but, I'll say this. It's been no fun, this last few months. And the last rites of the regular season were pergatory. Not being at Wuss to live it, not being at FG to experience the atmosphere. Blimey, I wasn't even able to be in the chatroom to put myself through the last 80mins of the season with fellow devotees. But we are safe. I wander back into the reception and we heave a collective sigh of relief. Then, appetite miraculously restored, we set about demolishing the dessert and I raise a quiet toast to the boys. And finally, I relax.