The Sword of Braamocles
By RtR (10/11/2002)
November 10 2002
At a recent Tykes game, I emerged from the Southstand bar just as the second half was due to commence, clutching the remainder of my pint of Appellation Controllee Tetleys Bitter, when I was confronted by a bloke dressed as an ancient Greek – white beard, flowing toga and all.
After admonishing him for wearing garb like that in the Yorkshire autumn time, I excused myself, and went to retain my place in the stand. Nevertheless, he followed on, and introduced himself.
‘Greeting from the ancients’, he said.
‘Errrr....., Hi’, I replied, conscious that the last thing I wanted in tow was the local nutter. At about this time, I realised that I appeared to be the only one able to see him. Either that, or the sight of an ancient Greek wandering around Headingley is not an uncommon one.
‘I am Damocles’, he continued ‘You might recognise the name......’. He left an expectant pause, inviting me to give him the recognition he required.
‘Err.., ‘fraid not old boy, and anyway the game is starting so...’.
‘Be still’ he interrupted ‘I have been sent by the ancients, to bring a tale of caution to the Tykes faithful!’
‘Well, cheers’, I replied, ‘but just get on with it eh? The Tetleys Bomb is almost over.’
‘Have you seen my sword?’ he asked.
‘Now hang on, I’m not that kind of bloke’, I said.
‘No no no, my sword, here’, and he revealed a 3ft long steel sword. ‘See - it is double edged’.
‘Ohhhhhhh, I remember now, the Sword of Damocles, double edged, cuts both ways.... But what’s this got to do with the Tykes?’ I asked, by now interested (I also wanted to know how he got it past security).
‘Let us take in the game, and I shall show you’, he said.
The game progressed, the Tykes trailed the opponents, and we struggled to put sustained pressure on their line. Just then we were awarded a penalty 5 yards inside our own half, and up stepped BVS for a pop at goal.
‘There’, said Damocles, ‘is your double-edged sword. You see, the Tykes have been struggling for field position. You have a chance to drill the opposition into their own 22, and with the lineout put in to you, you could set up great pressure on their line.’
‘What, like a sword of Braamocles?’, I joked. ‘But you see, BVS is the best kicker in the ZP, and one of the greatest ever’, I reminded him. ‘Three points will surely follow’, and they sure did, as BVS hoofed another ball between the sticks.
‘What would you have, a definite three, or probable 7 points?’, asked Damocles.
‘Games are so tight these days, I’ll go for the definite three anyday’, said I.
‘But the Tykes have scored the fewest bonus points in the ZP, and haven’t got a 4 try bonus point since last season’, he added. ‘If Braam were to leave the penalties in his own half to Ross the Boss to put into the corner, then you might get a few more tries,’ he suggested. ‘BVS could still have an go from the opponents half, just like a normal non-superhuman kicker would. The extra bonus points could make all the difference at the season's end.’
‘Look Damocles, the wins are everything, and in BVS we have a weapon that no one else in the ZP has’, I retorted, ‘we should use it as much as possible.’
‘Yes, but is that weapon double-edged? Remember the 4 try bonus point’, he said, then disappeared in a puff of smoke.
The game went on, and in the end, it was the boot of BVS that put the points on the board for another gloroius Tykes win. But I did wonder, did Damocles have a point?
I think not....
...and just what do ancient Greeks know about rugby anyway?
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