Cricket Lovely Cricket!

By Optimist
July 2 2007

Which of these two tasks would appear to be the more difficult? Mustering 22 people to fit the description ‘any age, fitness, sex or ability for a knockabout game of cricket on a warm midsummer evening’. Pulling together a crack rugby squad of 30 players to take on the might of the Bristol ‘Academy’.

Okay – so Gussieboy wins hands down in the organisational and motivational department, as well as being able to arrange better weather in April than I managed in flaming June. However, I do believe we saw the future of the game last night - seven a side (+2 fielders borrowed from oppo), 15 overs each, short boundaries, catching optional, multi-tasking umpire/scorers, into the pub early doors.

ERE’s inaugural cricket match turned out to be a belter (anyone who headed to the Oval for England vs West Indies picked the wrong match) as we peppered the Rec with calypso-style fours and sixes all evening.

The Optimist XI batted first, and despite Bod taking successive boundaries, were wobbling badly at 11 for 3 (bear in mind 5 wickets is all-out), then recovered to post a more than respectable 140, thanks mainly to Aussie Pete’s cultured 52 and Crouching Tiger’s lusty 45 not out and some late hoiks by the skipper.

As the final ball was bowled, with BBW’s XI needing 3 runs to win, all results were possible (though it has to be said an all-run 3 was the least likely of the permutations – no offence Digger!). A searingly fast yorker from the oddly-named Rich, splattered the stumps to ensure the right (ie my team) won.

Special mentions to, well, all of us really, seeing as how it won’t take long, and to loyal supporters Stir Crazy, Masa and Annie Blackthorn who braved the elements, and displayed an acute understanding of the male psyche by assuring us that the cricket was of the very highest standard.

None of you will be surprised to learn that Gareth came to the pub, insulted us all, criticised me for my lack of strategic vision as a cricket captain, and then tried to start a fight with a group of unsuspecting tourists. Only joking, of course – Gareth came and had a few unearned pints, and was, as always in the flesh, charm personified – and for those of you who haven’t met him in all his ample flesh, I do absolutely mean that.

The Players:

Pulteney – top fielding and bowling and a gold star for making it through Bath’s rush-hour traffic. (Shame on you, Gareth – late meeting, pah!).

Bod – if you want a job doing, do it yourself – champagne-moment catch off his own bowling to despatch Glen the Ed.

Peter Lion – only an Australian would bowl a fast swinging full-toss out of a background that was darker than a Francis Ford Coppola film of a PD James script! Was always going to be good (which is why I made sure he was on my team). Also, played the straightest bat of the day when we tried to get some inside gen on club/team goings-on.

Alibev – inclined to spend a bit too much time chatting to his Beckhamesque entourage, but came back to bowl a tight over under pressure at the death. The boy has bags of potential.

Crouching Tiger – nope, no idea – but he does come from Melksham and scored 45 not out, and bowled the final over so we’ll forgive him the name.

Jamie – another product of Bod’s Melksham academy (are you sure Lee’s not your brother, by the way? I know what they’re like over Melksham way). Either agoraphobic or incurably sociable, as he kept wandering back towards the middle of the pitch after being sent to the boundary by his captain.

Optimist – couldn’t organise a bun-fight in a bakery.

versus

Glen the Ed – looked the part while warming up, but will regret being lulled into a false sense of security by Bod’s ‘loosener’. Bowling figures of 3 overs, none for 36 only tell half the story.

Son of Glen – put his Dad to shame with not one but two useful innings, though the years of paternal coaching were in evidence in a spell of one over for 17.

Melksham Cats – looked thoroughly confused when asked to umpire whilst also scoring. Do they not teach these kids to multi-task any more. More at home batting and bowling.

Rich – looked as though he might take the game away from us until he decided that hitting it 30 yards over the boundary rope was a waste of effort, went for the economical hit and got caught. (Put it in Worthy’s kitchen next time, please).

BB&W – quality wicket-keeping and batting on a night when class was, let’s be frank, not greatly in evidence. First name on the team-sheet when we take on Bristol.

Stouters – will still be chuntering until Christmas about the LBW decision that I turned down. I reckon it would have missed middle stump by a good inch. Great effort to come from Oxford way, and a joy to be smashed for 6, 4, 2, 1 by him (that’s the way to get your own back!).

Digger – another Australian. If he and Aussie Pete had it their way they’d probably have taken the 11 Brits on single-handed, then challenged Bath Rugby team to a fight, drunk the Boater dry and swum up the weir with their cricket bags on their backs. Who said Australians are competitive!

See you all when the real sport starts.