LISC World Tour of Edinburgh

The Usual Suspects !
By Mrs Goz
January 15 2003

Straight from the horses mouth so to speak. Mrs Goz has penned this report on the LISC World Tour of Edinburgh for all us sad people who were left behind.

Some time in September I booked our flights to Edinburgh – knowing I was missing out on Toulouse was enough to ensure I was not, under any circumstances, missing out on another ‘Tour’. However, as the day arrived I was actually a little apprehensive! Would I cope with the drinking? Would it all turn to carnage? Would I wake up frozen and disorientated in Princes Street gardens? But then Dublinannette and thelongsufferingkevin turned up to collect us at 6.50am on Friday and the party started!

We arrived at Gatwick in time for a full English breakfast and immediately moved on to the bar where Bloody Marys' and Guinness were produced (at about 9.30am). While in the bar we were joined by Glen, Mary, Carol and Paddy who also rose to the occasion. The drinks were downed and boarding commenced.

On arrival in Edinburgh it looked like a gathering in the cowshed, with drums being collected and familiar faces in abundance. The moment when Annette decided to greet Paddy69 was priceless. You couldn’t actually see her at all – just a large and unsuspecting group of people being parted in her wake. I’m not sure if it was like the parting of the Red Sea or like a nit through hair but it was certainly a spectacle!

The agreement was that we’d all check into our accommodation and then assemble in Jury’s at around 3.00pm.

At 1.30 Bisach, Sachbi and the four of us made our way to Jury’s meeting DrV’sHC and Paddy69 just leaving. We soon changed their minds and all turned up at the bar where a reasonable LI contingent was already in evidence. The kitty commenced! Bisach was organised into popping out to M&S to collect a birthday cake for Mutts Nuts and we had all the ingredients for a craicing afternoon. Bowing to the experience of those who have Toured before me, I fully agreed that leaving at 4.00pm in order to find food was a good idea. The risk was that by then enough drink would have been drunk to negate that decision. However, for 7 of us, common sense prevailed and a splinter group of Bisach, Sachbi, Griff, DrV’sHC, Paddy69, MrGoz and I found our way in to TGI’s – who very kindly do an impressively green cocktail served in goldfish-bowl glasses. Five were consumed over the course of the meal.

Once we’d feasted it was back out into the cold for a stroll to Princes Street in search of a bus. As we were bewigged I’m amazed any driver was prepared to stop but they’re hardy those Scots – or beaten into submission as when the bus arrived the back end of it was packed to the drawstring with the green wigged brigade. On we piled. I don’t know if the regular passengers looked that bemused when we got on or if our persistence in singing ‘The Fields’ did the trick. Either way they looked very relieved when we got off outside The MurrayField Hotel.

Squeezing into the hotel was interesting. However, I suspect it was less interesting than the moment at which MulledWineMarie – in full LI illuminated regalia – walked into an adjoining room full of reserved (one could say sombre) people and said ‘Why are you looking so miserable, you haven’t lost yet?’ only to be told that they had lost – an elderly relative and they were actually holding the wake! Mind you, they did point out that their dear departed relative/friend would have had a great laugh at the interruption.

Anyway, they left soon after so we had a bit more room in which to spread!

From the hotel it was a short stroll to Murrayfield’s stadium. We set off reasonably early to secure good seating for the travelling drum corps and found the team out on the pitch warming up. I’ll say no more about the game as a better man than me has that honour!

Post game we made our way back the hotel but our evening had hit a temporary low. Until, that is, we were reliably informed that the team would be arriving at Scruffy Murphy’s in half an hour. We were off like greyhounds from the trap!

On arriving at Scruffy’s I have to say I thought it was an odd choice for the team as there was no space and nowhere slightly separated but the doorman assured us the team were expected. Whether that’s true or not we’ll never know but you know us, we’re never down for long and once the chill had gone from our bones and the alcohol intake had been resumed we started to regain some of our legendary form!

Worthy of particular mention are TPL who set a sterling example when leading the singing, PaddyG who – despite a goodly amount of imbibing – managed to see the lovely Donna and the drums safely back to Jury’s before resuming his position at the Guinness Glass of Life. We made a few new Scots friends and bemused a few more but we were warm, happy and booze-fuelled. The team didn’t come out to play in Scruffy’s (and I had my away-shirt and a fabric pen just in case!) so we partied without them.

MrGoz and I left at about 1.00am and embarked on the arduous 10-minute walk back to our B&B.

We just about made breakfast with Annette and Kevin before leaving to meet up with Bisach and Sachbi, Mr and Mrs H, Mutts Nuts and Fran, JoeV and Don for a tour of Edinburgh on the top level of an open-topped bus. Now, I have to confess this was my idea and I thought it’d be a scream – particularly as Saturday in Edinburgh was beautiful, blue sky and bright sunshine all day long. The tour lasts an hour; we had a hilarious and totally barking mad guide with a penchant for ghoulish tales and started off in high spirits fortified by tiny bottles of whisky Bisach had secured in a whisky shop. However, after about 20 minutes the cold started to set in. It was positively arctic up there and while our torsos were relatively OK, heads and legs had no feeling whatsoever. Getting down the stairs was no mean feat. Our delight in spotting a bar right across the road was unsurpassed! Twelve of us marched in sat on radiators and ordered brandy-laced hot chocolate. The staff looked a little surprised but came up trumps with tall steaming glasses topped with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.

Having warmed through it was back out in to the cold for the trip up to the castle for the 1.00pm gun. JoeV, Annette, Sachbi and I chose to go back round on the tour bus – well the ticket is valid for 24 hours and that hill is a steep one! – while the others walked up.

We arrived in plenty of time and meandered up to the castle. There was a lovely friendly chap who asked us where we were from so I dutifully stopped to speak to him while everyone else left me at great speed. MrGoz came back to rescue me from a monk trying to sell me a CD of ‘Monk Rock’ music. I managed to turn that down but ended up with a book and a stick of monk rock. Quite a bit of teasing ensued!

On the way up to the castle entrance there’s a statue of Field Marshall Haig mounted on his horse. Bisach wigged it. Well, you can’t miss an opportunity like that now, can you?

Into the castle for the gun and a look round. I’ve to confess here that I didn’t go in. A childhood of being dragged round stately homes has left me with a pathological loathing of anything of that ilk! I am reliably informed that the gun is very loud up close. Most of our party were aiming to take pictures of the moment and ended up with perfect shots of the clear blue sky. Oh well!!!

As for the rest of the castle, thelongsufferingkevin made the observation that The Great Room was ‘a small great room’ and back out they came.

By this time we were hungry and getting cold again so we set off for the Grassmarket – a bar filled area which we were informed would not only allow us to purchase food and drink but also would show rugby on TV.

A short lived distraction on The Royal Mile led to two sets of miniature bagpipes being purchased (Bisach and JoeV but I don’t suppose you’re surprised) and a brief chat with Billy Hamilton and the other 50% of the Donaghadee branch of the LISC, Carol.

We arrived in the Grassmarket and found a pub meeting all three of our requirements. Having enjoyed good hot fayre and liquid refreshment we set ourselves up to shout words of friendly encouragement to Matt Dawson as Saints took on Biarritz. Unfortunately, the Toulouse / Newport game was on so we decided to make our way to the Sports Bar.

En route we happened to spy MWM, Paddy, Carol, Becca and others in The Beehive so went in to join them and found them in front of the Saints game. We settled in and were horrified at the result! Several undertook the bagpipe challenge that provided no small amount of amusement and we discovered a ‘lovely’ cocktail called a Green Bullet. Bisach and JoeV tried it and pronounced in ‘delicious’ – just like an After Eight mint. The rest of us declined! We then received word that the team had been spotted 6 doors up the road in various costumes – presumably in honour of Barry’s stag night and Declan’s birthday. Within 90 seconds we were out and scorching up the road!

Now I think in fairness to the team – who were in their time and not on ‘team’ duty – little should be said. We chatted to them for a while and then moved to the back of the bar where we sang, drank and shouted encouragement as they passed us en route to the loo. Several of them stopped off on the way back and were, as usual, lovely. MWM and I managed to get the official stamp – involving the rubber stopper from the end of Ryan’s crutch, Hentie and a tin of face paint – on both cheeks and the party continued for several hours!

All I will say is that Barry makes a better Elvis than he does a woman, Naka looks great in a pink glittery Stetson and Gussie has a bad line in suits!

At about 9.30 we decided enough was enough and went in search of a curry house. We were directed to The Maharaja’s. We knew it was going to be interesting when MWM pounced on the waiter with the beautiful curly mullet hairstyle and pronounced it ‘lovely’. We almost managed to get her to the table before she launched herself at some unsuspecting diners – trying to enjoy a quiet meal for 2 – wanting to know were they married, how long had they been together, why weren’t they married, why didn’t she have a ring and then calling him a tight b*stard. Luckily they took it all with great humour and looked unsurprised when I explained about Care in the Community……!

We had a gorgeous curry and great fun, as we seemed to have found a restaurant that was as keen on us singing loudly as we were keen to sing loudly. The Mullet-haired waiter (who had been only too happy to don a wig for a photograph and who apparently looks like Curtis Steigers) was even heard joining in on more than one occasion.

Back out in the cold and to Bisach’s delight we were right next to the statue of Grey Friars Bobby. Again, he wigged it and the clan all gathered round for a Tour photo. Those of us with enough sobriety left recognised the benefits of calling it a night. Those without went back to Jury’s and partied some more. Around Scots dinner tables for some time to come will be tales of how a wedding party was ‘enhanced’ the LI way and the photographs of the groom (full kilt and LI shirt) and bride (in a delightful wedding dress and green wig combo) will no doubt be doing the rounds for some years!

MWM - from wake to wedding in a little over 24 hours!!

Edinburgh airport was a subdued place. JoeV and BigBrownz had their ‘quiet time’ interrupted by the four of us and we made out way to the bar for soft drink and coffee. Not hung over but very, very tired. Mr and Mrs H turned up and joined our group and then we started making our way back.

A fantastic weekend – apart from the game – thank you to everyone for making my first Tour a great one.