The Full Monty IX: Wasps (H)

By Monty Masters
July 19 2006

Blimey! Is it IX Monty's already? More Mr Masters then as Wasps travel to Franklin's Gardens in November 2005...

 

WHY WON'T WASPS BUZZ OFF?

 

SAINTS 13 - 21 WASPS

 

In Glorious weather, the sun shone once again on the righteous! Thank heavens a proper English club, only existing to serve the higher purpose of winning the next world cup for England showed up those horrid midlands upstarts who really have no business playing against a club for proper English gentlemen.

No not really, I can't abide those nasty little menaces that serve no purpose and do no good and those summer time stripy flying stinging insects aren't much better!

If ever there was a team destined to be a fly in Saints ointment it's the Wasps of London-ish. They're like a flea we can't scratch and we're the male preying mantis about to have the best and worst day in it's short life.

 

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Why won't this team emerge from it's chrysalis and add some stinging bee to it's floating butterfly?

The rest of the day was fine. England start well in the cricket (although why they're playing in Moulton is a mystery to me,) England win the association football, Great Britain win the rugby league and England beat Australia at Twickenham. It was a marvellous day to be an armchair sportsman but a shocker for Saints superb supporters.

Ah-hah. The rest of the day’s success points the way for the Saints. Firstly, that Peter Crouch. Good grief the man's eight feet tall, he has no place on a soccer field, he needs converting to his true calling and quickly! Come and be a Saint (again.) Then there's that man Flintoff, he's achieved everything in cricket, he has won the Ashes and he is the new Ian Botham. Come and be a Saint. Wouldn't it be nice to see Keiron Cunnigham swap codes. Finally don't let national coaches notice how well two thirds of our awesome back three is playing, they really don't need Cohen and Lamont as much as the Saints do!

To the match. Saints lost 13-21. Oh dear! Not outmuscled up front. Not starved of quality ball. Not short of attacking field position. Not good enough to win today!

But, why?

Well for starters those Wasps are three times champions not nearly men who almost got relegated. You've got to beat them, they won't do the decent thing and lose. They also have the best referee in the premiership, Mr. Dallaglio. They also have the second best referee in the premiership, Mr Dawson. We need to get another referee!

Lets not get all doom and gloom though. No time to be sulking like a three year old. Mr McGeechan said some very nice things. Apparently we play more rugby than any other team Wasps have faced. Shame we don't play it whilst in the oppositions 'in goal'. Much as I'd like to go home and kick the Labradors, I can see light at the end of this blisworth-esque tunnel. So chin up, have another G&T apparently it's 26 miles, 385 yds not a hundred yard dash!

Post match Budge commented that there were lots of positives to take from today's match: "yes" he said, "Wasps defence is really very good. If we can copy that, I'm sure we'll do well!"

Finally a comment from Air Bert:

"Oi took me grandsun air Darren to the match tuday, ee said we need to be a bit more X factor and a bit less strictly come darncin. Gawd nose what ee's on abait. Still, look, that lump frum Kingsorpe gort wun fer Inglund so it's not all gorn Terry Wogan"

 

 

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