Farmer Crispmas gives saints fans a pressie!
Come on you Saints!
By The Mighty Young Joe
December 19 2002
Joe's back with his unique brand of childish humour and common sense. This time he talks of Crispmas, the Tigers, muddy puddles, Karate, the IRB, Rob Andrew, Nigel Wray and all things from the world of rugby and the Saints. Only the young at heart should attempt to understand!
Hiya Mates! I finally got Daddy off the puter so I could write to you all. I've got loads and loads and loads to tell you so lets get on with it!
Firstly I can't believe it! I'm only 5 and already I have seen the Saints Gersmudgerated Lester Tigers at Welbadwoad. What's that you all say? Joe is using the L and T words. Don't worry mates I won't get sent to bed wivout no Muchdonalds happy meal (got fozzie bear last night acuzz it's muppets this week.) We are now allowed to say Tigers and Lester in our house. In fact Daddy let me make up a story about Tigers eating Auntie Unessa for my homework. My teacher asked me about it and I told her I don't have to call them stripy cats no more and Dad has even let me have all my Winnie the Pooh books back. We watched the game against the tigers on the telly and when the referee blowed his whistle at the end Dad runned out the back door, jumped over the wall and runned round the field shouting YYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
In fact it's that time of year again so I fink Farmer Crispmas has once again come early. But then again in my school concert when I was a narrayter and had to say "Santa cat and mouse searched thur-rew (not frew got told off for saying that!) the snow for the presents," Santa was dead clumsy and dropped all the presents off the sleigh! He better not do that wiv my play station what I have asked him for! Anyway I'm talking Lomese again so fank you santa for the win at Tigers.
On Saturday I did the Saints wiv Heart walk wiv Dad and his mates. Blinking heck Dad said it was only six miles, six fowsand miles and six gersquillion puddles more flipping like. I felled over in the puddles twice the second time wasn't very nice acuzz I got puddle water in my eye what made me cry! I didn't whinge though acuzz I'm brave! I got very very very very wet and muddy and I had to change all my clothes when we gotted back to the car. Silly Daddy didn't bring me a clean coat but that was ok acuzz Mummy boughted me a new Saints fleece to keep me warm. Here's me and some of the puddles!
After the walk we wented and watched the Saints playing
Cardiff in the yourupp pea and cup. It was good acuzz the saints wonned and
and the kicks was good from the Saints acuzz they wented through the posts
and the standy ups sang Oh Larry OhOOOOOhhhhOhhhh. Daddy wented and joined
his friends in the satandyups and me and Mummy had to sit down acuzz she's
having a baby and I'm still too little to go in the standy ups. I can't wait
to get bigger acuzz it looks more noisy over there.
Right it's time to talk about the stupid world of growed ups. You guessed it the eye are bee, ee are ell, are eff you and all them lot and this week we have to add a few more names to the list.
Everyone is talking about regliation again! Poor dickey birds is at the bottom of the zippee and squeaky is whinging about how there shouldn't be no regliation. Well Mr Squeaky when you played for Englund they called you squeaky acuzz you never got your jersey dirty even though it was white and now they call you squeaky acuzz you're always squeaking on about soemfink. If you come last in the zippee then you are a loser and you go down to divishum one and the winner of divishum one comes into the zippee. That's it 'no need to discuss it' (as Dad has taken to saying when me and him have different priorities) Squeaky wiv all your whinging you sound more like wheezy the penguin from toy story. The there is all this talk of clubs mer-er-jun (can't say it!) anyway it's when two clubs turn into one Lids and Bothersome might merge and Sale fishies and Nucasdull dickey birds. What flipping next? Why can't they just leave things alone, they are bad enough as it is! Then that Stingray bloke what pays for the fez heads is going on about fanchriseseses and no regliation. I fink he should sack all the people who do the childish stuff at fez head games and use the money to pay the players more acuzz they is not very good are they?
Next lets talk about the Eye Are Bee! They are not going to tell Sowf Africa off for being very naughty to England. I am not allowed to do my kawartee except when I am at kawartee so I fink the sowf africans shouldn't be allowed to do kawartee when they are supposed to be playing rugby. The Eye Are Bee need to be brave and tell them Sowf Africans to go to there rooms and fink about how naughty they have been.
The I was watching LLLLanellllii versus the fishies on the telly last night. Daddy likes LLLLanellllii acuzz he says their supporters were a good laugh when the Saints wonned the yourrup pea and cup. But there was lots of naughty fings going on. That Kinnell bloke is a big bully he goes around the pitch swinging his arm at peoples heads. Also there was lots of silly knock ons, you are supposed to catch the ball in rugby not drop it. Then was that James Bond bloke wiv the silly hair and big bandage he looked like hair from the hair bear bunch. He did score a good try though. Anyway I am just learning to play rugby and I don't fink I'll be copying any of them lot.
Well that's it for now as I have football club (I know but it makes Grandad happy) soon and then I have to go and get even more excited about Crispmas. Let's hope that Santa makes Saints win again tomorrow in Wails.
Come on you Saints
and happy Crispmas
Joe
Right it's time to talk about the stupid world of growed ups. You guessed it the eye are bee, ee are ell, are eff you and all them lot and this week we have to add a few more names to the list.
Everyone is talking about regliation again! Poor dickey birds is at the bottom of the zippee and squeaky is whinging about how there shouldn't be no regliation. Well Mr Squeaky when you played for Englund they called you squeaky acuzz you never got your jersey dirty even though it was white and now they call you squeaky acuzz you're always squeaking on about soemfink. If you come last in the zippee then you are a loser and you go down to divishum one and the winner of divishum one comes into the zippee. That's it 'no need to discuss it' (as Dad has taken to saying when me and him have different priorities) Squeaky wiv all your whinging you sound more like wheezy the penguin from toy story. The there is all this talk of clubs mer-er-jun (can't say it!) anyway it's when two clubs turn into one Lids and Bothersome might merge and Sale fishies and Nucasdull dickey birds. What flipping next? Why can't they just leave things alone, they are bad enough as it is! Then that Stingray bloke what pays for the fez heads is going on about fanchriseseses and no regliation. I fink he should sack all the people who do the childish stuff at fez head games and use the money to pay the players more acuzz they is not very good are they?
Next lets talk about the Eye Are Bee! They are not going to tell Sowf Africa off for being very naughty to England. I am not allowed to do my kawartee except when I am at kawartee so I fink the sowf africans shouldn't be allowed to do kawartee when they are supposed to be playing rugby. The Eye Are Bee need to be brave and tell them Sowf Africans to go to there rooms and fink about how naughty they have been.
The I was watching LLLLanellllii versus the fishies on the telly last night. Daddy likes LLLLanellllii acuzz he says their supporters were a good laugh when the Saints wonned the yourrup pea and cup. But there was lots of naughty fings going on. That Kinnell bloke is a big bully he goes around the pitch swinging his arm at peoples heads. Also there was lots of silly knock ons, you are supposed to catch the ball in rugby not drop it. Then was that James Bond bloke wiv the silly hair and big bandage he looked like hair from the hair bear bunch. He did score a good try though. Anyway I am just learning to play rugby and I don't fink I'll be copying any of them lot.
Well that's it for now as I have football club (I know but it makes Grandad happy) soon and then I have to go and get even more excited about Crispmas. Let's hope that Santa makes Saints win again tomorrow in Wails.
Come on you Saints
and happy Crispmas
Joe