All aboard the Saints Ship Jimmy

Twickers ahoy!
By Benjamin Dover Esq.
March 4 2003

As the gleaming Black Green and Gold ship set sail from the port Kassam bound for the far away shores of Twickenham few of the late arriving passengers could have known what a treat was in store for them as they settled into their deck chairs perched high on the concrete decks.

Regular passengers are all too aware of the inconsistent service offered on board the HMS Jimmy, and the days competition saw her lined up against the troublesome London Irish. Choppy waters ahead no doubt?

But for all of last year's memories the London Irish liner turned out to be a beat up old paddle steamer with half an engine. Her hull was paper thin and the white wash of the London Irish livery was quickly exposed by bow waves from the good ship Jimmy.

Under Captain Budge's expert guidance and the steady hand of first mate Dawson it was full steam ahead for the Jimmy, and although she failed to get her nose ahead straight away the initial minutes of the contest saw the writing on the wall for the London Irish as the combatants jostled for position.

And the driving force behind the ship as she tacked beautifully backwards and forwards across the green seas was created superbly in the highly polished engine room where the masters of the boiler stoked up a fire equalled only by performances shown earlier in the season. On the surface she cut through the waves with what appeared to be effortless ease yet down below the boiler suited engineers of Lord and Co worked their magic maintaining the pressure and oiling the machinery of the forwards.

No finer sight can be seen than a ship steaming full ahead and the Jimmy steamed and threw out smoke and fire for a full 80 minutes while the brave crew of the London Irish wrestled in vain to take control of their rusty and holed vessel.

It took the Jimmy fully 40 minutes to show her superiority as the crew served up cocktails and little hors d'oeuvres to tempt the appetite before the main course. A main course which was presented silver service immediately after the break in a superb 10-minute display.

The Irish by now was sunk but bravely her crew clung to the remaining wreckage fighting to the last to climb aboard the lifeboat of a consolation try. But it was not to be, her passengers quickly abandoned ship for the dark black depths of the Guinness glass and captain Venter stood proudly on the bridge like all good captains to go down with his ship.

As if to add one final insult to the injury the Jimmy ruthlessly rounded the final buoy with young officer Fox punching one last hole below the water line.

Competition of a different class awaits the good ship Jimmy at her next port, but with good maintenance and under the watchful eye of Admiral Smudger who knows what she's capable of.

Only the next two months will tell.