Bert Haddon, nonagenarian, talks rugby.

By Bert Haddon
May 18 2002

Alright m’ducks. Air mavis ‘as cleared orf dain the fish shorp at Jimmies End to fetch me tea ('adduck ern chips tonoight!) so I reckoned oid ‘ave a natter wif awl you young uns on this ere internet doins agayn.

Play orfs? Plain sorft in the ‘ed more loike! No regliation, well oo gives a monkey’s? When I wurra lad we only got in a tiz abait one match at a toime, there wurnt no league or cup and definitely no play orfs. While we’re on the debate there wurnt no playing rugger in months wi’out the letter R in’em. The gaymes gorn tapped and then there’s the Mobbs gayme. Arf a fowsand people turned up for the most important gayme in the Franklins Garduns season. It aint roight, it aint roight ut’awl. Oim all fer prohgress un that, stuff loike air bobby dazzler nu staydium is smashin’ but we shud never forget air Edgar, marvellous man, grayte player accordin’ to me old bouy. If you younguns get to be arf the man ee was then you’ll be summat special. So Mr prawn sarnie or whatever yer name is let’s have the Mobbs gayme back where it belongs as the highloight o’the season not just some tail end Charlie gayme fer a bunch of harry has beens and kids still wet beeyind the ears.

I ‘ad a tear in me eye fer the larst gayme at the garduns an’ the larst gayme fer the mayne stand. Oi remember it getting’ built when I wuzza nipper. Then Oi cried even more at the soight o that Johnny Wilkinwotsits kickin’ the penulties from beeyind the arf way line. Well oid loike to ave seen im do that in the twenties when the balls were ard as concrete and boots wurras ‘eavy as lead, proper boots not them fancy baffs that Doorsun an’ ‘is mates parade around in. Tap an’ go in your own arf wud ‘ave bin ‘is opshun back then not three points fer nearly getting to arf way!!!

Oh well if we get to this play orf final doings at least we get another day on the larrup, even if it’s more the toime fer Lords than Twickers. Let’s ope fer a win on Satdee! Angorn….it’s Sundee aint it, well blow me if that aint summat else they’ve cocked up!!!! Oim orf dain the club afore Mavis gets back!!!

Goo orn yew saints!!!
Bert