Joe's review of the year

Older and Wiser
By The Mighty Young Joe
December 26 2003

Joe's back with a six year old's perspective on 2003. He's happy with some bits and unhappy with others. His special moments are the arrival of Niamh, the walk and leading the team out and beating Leicester lots and lots! he finishes with a plea to Smudger and some new years revolutions!

Hiya mates, I hope you like the picture of me and my sister Niamh in our Christmas hats. I thought it was about time I did a story so I have done one all about my year as a Saints supporter. There's been more ups and downs than the rollercoaster at Disneyland Paris. Anyway Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year everyone. I had a very nice Christmas with lots of presents including battleships which I got three times!


The year started just after Farmer Crispmas (as I called him when I was five) had been and the first Saints game of the year was a very special win for the Saints against a fwench team called Bizarre ritz, Saints very nearly lost but won because Peter Jorgyson scored a try and Ben Cohen did a good tackle at the end. The next match was against Ulster but Saints had won the group and were already in the quater finals of the Yourupp pea and cup so they lost but didn't care, Ben Cohen again scored a very nice try. Before the next Saints match Niamh arrived!

Then to continue with a very nice year indeed Saints went and beat Bath at the wreck and guess who, Peter Jorgyson won the match with a try right at the end. He was a very good player last year and I was annoyed when he had to leave and now plays for Botherham who are a bit rubbish! I liked him becasue he reminded me of Steve Irwin the crocodile hunter who is also a ozter alien. I wonder if Jorgy learnt to tackle catching crocodiles? This was a cup match too and it meant Saints were to play London Irish in the semi-final.

The next match the saints played was in the zippee against Wasps, those nasty buzzzy things won 16-9 and it was very boring and really the Saints were pants and deserved to lose. But Wasps fans are very silly too! The do this Oggy oggy oggy waspswaspswasps song thing which is a bit sad really and then they clap themselves for the stupid fing. Can you imagine the Saints supporters clapping themselves after a little bit of shouting? We sing much better songs in assembly!!! The next match was much better as the Saints stuffed the Sorrysons and Maverick did a very funny match report

The next match was even better still. A Sowf African team called the cats came to Frankly Gardens and thought they were bigger and better than the Saints and they got well good gersmudgerated. Everyone says Soupy twelve is better than zippee but that night a Wanderers (Saints 2nd team for those of you waht doesn't know) team betaed them and it was brilliant! Read my Daddy's match report
if you don't believe me!

The next game was not Saints but England A but I mentioned it because Paul Grayson played for England and because Maverick did another funny match report

Another change of competition, am I the only one what gets confused and Saints bashed up London Irish to win the Powdergen cup semi final 38-9 in a football ground in Oxford. That will teach them for beating us at Twick n' Ham. More confusion as lots of Saints played for England against Italy and Maverick did another funny match report in the style of a really old posh bloke who talks about cricket he should do some more of these.

The the Saints had to play the Bath again in the zippee and they beat them easy this time. Perhaps they needed a new coach and a load of new players and to play against teams what had lots of their best players missing. maybe then they would be top of the league again, like what Daddy told me about form before when I was born. Back to the yourrup pea and cup and Saints went to To lose and got beaten by the team what won it in the end. Mummy and Daddy wnet away to see this in Fwance and Daddy got very drunk and Mummy bought lots of  Fwench baby clothes. They also bought me a very nice To lose rugby shirt which I wear quite a lot.

Back to the zippee and veeryone thought the Saints would be very sad for getting knocked out of yourrup and they would not play well against Brisdull who finished last and had to go and play in the first division. Well everybody and his mate was wrong because Saints played very well and Brucie banana got 23 points and  they got a bonus point too. My daddy writed: brucie bonus batters bris

The next game was shocking as Saints were beating Newcastle Dicky Birds by lots and lots at half time and only needed one more try for another bonus point. They lost! Johnny Bravo I won the world cup on my own Wilkinson kicked the winning goal and Saints had turned a well good win into a stupid lose! While we're on the subject of  Johnny Bravo I won the world cup on my own Wilkinson, you didn't it was Matty Daws break and pass and the forwards what won the world cup! It is not Johnny Bravo I won the world cup on my own Wilkinson's fault though it is the silly papers who all fink they are experts on rugby now but they don't know anyfink really.

The next match is the cup final at Twickers as the posh people call it. You can read all what I thought here!

The next math Saints played a team what used to be called Sale but are now called Sharks. I don't blame them, Sale is what shops do and shopping is for girls, Sharks are cool because they have big teeth and they can do scarey bites, some people swim with Sharks but they are mad really unless they are Steve Irwin who knows what he is doing! Anyway the Sharks are Lardy and the Florist's favourite team and they said on Skelly that Sahrks would beat the Saints and win the zippee championship and everything. Well it was Saints 27 Sharks 17 so haha fatso and flower boy! This what me and Daddy thought!

The next match was away at Girlyquins and saints won again with a bonus point and then the last game of the season was at home against Leeds and they won again. Guess what, saints finished third! They had to play Wasps because those Sharks lost again just to really annoy Lardy again but Saints couldn't beat Wasps who was very good. So that was that. Wsaps beated Gloucester in the final of the zippee and were the champions.

The summer was very long and my dddy and his mates went so crazy that they decided to play rugby on the hottest day of the year at Henley Fat Bloke Sevens.

In the real sevens Saints lost at henley but won at Twick 'n Ham in the Middlesex sevens.

In the first match of this season the saints had to go to Sharks again who now play in a football ground in Sockport. It was a 37-37 draw so ha ha again Lardy and Florist you were wrong!  The next match was horrid because the team Saints beat all the time beat the Saints! Bath!!! All the fings what I said they needed earlier had happened and now Bath are top of the league! A bit like the top of the charts, it's a mad world! It was all ok again in the next match because the Saints beat those nasty Wasps at the Gardens. Hooray! And then they gersplaterated Botherham who are bottom of the zippe and look like they will go back to division 1 very soon. I feel sorry for them becasue they tried so hard to get into the zippee and they are getting bullied by the other teams.

At the same time as Saints started I went to play for Kettering Under 7's, I have a shirt, a tracksuit and some sticky gloves so I don't drop the ball like my Daddy! The next fing to happen was the Saints with heart walk II and for me it was a very big day!

Saints bounced back like Tigger (but not like the Tiggers) in the next match and even though they were pants for most of the match beat Newcastle with a bonus point, oh yeah this is still the zippee and England are still playing the world cup.

The next bit is the best Saints bit of the year so far, at Welford Road Saints beat the Tigers again! Yes Saints fans two years in a row the Saints have beaten the Tigers at their ground and we were dancing in the streets of Rothwell that night! Then it was even better, Saints played Gloucester and they were gersmudgertaing them and Gloucester started being very naughty, they made the Saints so angry that Mark Robinson got sent off by the stupidhead referee who didn't see Shane Drama getting hit by some big people. The whole game changed because the Saints had less players but they played really well and won!

After the good bits there is some silly bits. Saints got battered at Girlyquins and then lost again in the powdergen cup to Bath! What was going on?

On the same day that England won the world cup, well done Matty Daws, Wally, Big Ben and Larry, Saints played Leeds and won with another bonus point hooray!

With the world cup players back Saints started their Yourrup pea and cup group against clanetherlee....claneckli......clankylee oh bother....they're also called the Starlets. Anyway in Wales they lost but got a bonus point so accroding to dad who apparently asked Statto they just need to beat them at Frankly Gardens by four tries and nine points and it won't matter even a little bit. Then they play Are Jen...pronounced Air Jen in Northampton and they won! But Air Jen are naughty too nd they got a player sent off for doing a head butt on Wally.

And then.....it happened again! Lardy Barnes said Tigers would beat the Saints at Frankly Gardens but the Florist said: "no stoooart you are quite silly Sainst will win!" Florist was right hahaha again Lardy boy. My dad says you had some mumble pie for tea that night!

That's it so far. One more game this year up in Newcastle and that Johnny Bravo I won the world cup on my own is playing for the Dicky Birds again. I fink the saints will not be silly like last year and will come home from Scotland or wheerever Newcastle is with a big five point win.

There is a big worry that Smudger is going back to New Zealand to be assistant coach to that silly man who made the Lions lose to Ozteralia and made Ben and Matty daws very upset. Smudger don't go. We love you. Uncle Keith if you read this give Smudger a million billion trillion killion gersquillion pounds so that he stays at the Saints.

Well I've heard about these New Year revolutions fings and I have made some of my own. I am going to be a good boy, I am going to build a snowman with Daddy, I'm going to write my own Christmas cards again and I'm going to come to the Saints with my Daddy, Mummy and Niamh. Daddy said he was going to be less grumpy and Niamh said hello hello hello to an imaginary phone she was holding next to her ear!

The last fing to tell you is that we have a new person in our a house a puppy called Ben, his posh name is Franklin Benjamin. He is very cute and Daddy is teaching me how to look after him. Maybe Ben will come on the Saints with Heart Walk III.