How the other half live on alternate Satudays

Cholmomdley-Forresta
By The Rt Hon. Barry Cholmomdley-Forrestal
January 5 2005

The day started well, up with the sparras, feeling not too bad, considering what the night before was! 11:15, off to pick St Marlowe up, Happy New Years all round, both looking dapper in Blazers and Ties.

Got to FG at around 11:45, very quiet, so we head off to the shop for a nose around. By a strange quirk of coincidence, the 5^th Jan is a shared Birthday for myself and St Marlowe and we were both looking at buying a Saints coat for a prezzie. I ended up getting the Kooga one (£59.99 inc VAT, excl large inside pocket!) St M opted for the blue waterproof model at the same price.

https://www.officialshop.net/saints/image.php?productid=231

 

 

 

Onto the Sturtridge for the days main event – this is where it gets a bit hazy………

 

Into the bar – HUZZAH! – ‘Sorry, Bars not open till 12:00 you’re too early’ – BOOOOOOOO! ‘Any chance of a beer while we’re waiting?’ – falls on deaf ears – Double BOOOOOOOO! Stroll out to the balcony, gaze with pride and satisfaction at the empty Stadium. Glad I bought the coat, it’s chuffing freezing! Ooo, what’s this lump in my pocket? My trusty hipflask – HUZZAH!! ‘Swift nifta, David?’, ‘Be rude to refuse, old boy’. Ahhh, much better. Womble back inside and stake our places at the table. People are starting to arrive. ‘Oo, look, Champagne reception. Don’t mind if I do. David?’, ‘Does the Pope poo in the woods, are fish Catholic, do bears swim?’. More people arrive, some of them stand near our table, so we make contact. Turns out that they sponsor Van Wyk, pleasant conversations all round. ‘Mr Hoddle, well trousered, Sir’, more Blazer and Tie action. Where’s Sall? Whooph, there she is. ‘Coo, I feel really underdressed’, ‘Don’t worry about it. You wouldn’t look right in a Blazer…G and T’s anyone?......’

 

Time to open the Gifts - "what on earth is this?..."

"AAAhhh... it's a stopper for when your taken short in the back row of the Tetleys, 15 mins from No Side" said Mr Hoddle..."A Bobby Dazzler - and Cheap as Chips"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time to take our places, ‘Squeeze another G & T in, Beef?’, ‘I shouldn’t really’.. first course coming up, Winter Broth. Is it polite to dip your bread? Don’t care, I do anyway. More Wine anyone?……Here comes the main course, pork and leek sausages in red wine and onion gravy, mash and veg – Yummy!. More wine anyone?......During the meal, Martin Hynes MC’s with Sharky and Snowy in attendance, fair bit of banter and score predictions wheedled out – nowhere near mine….. More wine anyone?....Time to nip out to the balcony for a cigar and watch the warm up – looking good and fired up. Back inside for Sweet, spiced pear crumble and custard (eat your heart out Statto!)….Any wine moron?....

 

 

 

 

Time for KO, out we file onto the balcony. ‘Oh look, there’s Mav and Co. COOOEEEEE! Sorry mate, didn’t mean to poke you in the ear…………I was aiming for your eye….’ Players come out, cheers seem louder up here, must be great for the team. See match review for what happened next.

 

Observations during and after the match. Don’t particularly want to go on a Stewards bash, but we counted 26 static Stewards in the Tetleys Terracing and 4 roving = 30 Stewards. In the Churches Stand there was 1. After no-time, 34 Stewards lining the pitch in front of the Tetleys stand.

 

 

Apart from the 8 in the players tunnel, there were 3 over at Tetleys. A polite query of the discrepancy directed at the 1 steward in Hospitality revealed ‘ Don’t know why, but I was told when I started, that that is where a pitch invasion is most likely’ EXCUSE ME!!! In all the time I’ve been at the Gardens there has never been a pitch invasion!! But I feel an organised one coming on…….Oh, and another thing – it’s amazing how quick the cold weather sobers you up. Wine anyone?

 

Back inside for Tea and cake, very nice. ‘Look David, the next table haven’t touched their red wine’, ‘Fancy a minesweep?’ ‘Anyone wine more?......’ Hynsey back on the Mic with Wylie, Rhino and Frankie giving their post match appraisals, a warm feeling spreading out (I knew I should have gone before….), Sleights doing the rounds and, for a change, a drop of wine. Off downstairs to catch up with the usual crew, bottle in hand ‘Ooo, look at ‘er, all done up like a dogs dinner’, ‘Bog off and get me a Guiness’. Eventually we pile into cars and head up to the Jolly Crispin. Just what I need. More beer. Get a cab home about 8:30, plonk myself down. Ahhhhh. ‘Have a nice time Dear?.............Dear?’

 

 

‘Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’