Bay 58 - you can only do it in the daytime

Bay 58
By Ran Gama
May 28 2005

Bay 58 By Ran Gama The climatic conditions have to be just right. So does the positioning of your car. As far as I know you can only do it in the daytime and you have to be asleep. The only place I know you can do it for sure is in bay 58 in the car park of a motorway services area; but of course I can’t say which one.

I discovered this one hot afternoon on a long drive home. You know those “tiredness kills – take a break” signs? Well, prompted by one of those I pulled into the services for a sensible, brief snooze. When I awoke everything was different. Strange cars, unusual clothes, and hoardings that were advertising products I had never heard of. Bay 58, I discovered, is a time portal.

Since then I have made hundreds of attempts to travel through the portal but have succeeded on only four occasions. The last time, when I travelled to 2024, I made a visit to Franklins Gardens. I doubt that anyone will believe a word of what I am about to write here but I really would like to share with you all what I learned on that trip.

The first difficulty is getting from Bay 58 to Northampton. Although you can still buy what we call petrol it is only sold in specialist shops for classic cars. So now I always make sure that I have a full tank and remain as inconspicuous as I can as my car is unregistered and highly illegal.

Now, when I say that I have been to Franklins Gardens I should add that I have not seen a game. Entrance is only by season ticket or credit card. As I don’t have a 2024 season ticket and my credit cards have long since expired I had no way of getting into the ground on match day. I was also taken aback by the ticket price of $425.

However, I did visit the ground on the Sunday after the game and my information is gleaned from the previous day’s match programme and a very long chat with two old friends (who did not recognise me, of course) whom I shall call Frank and Ernest.

I met up with them in the Bistro at the top of the office block in front of the north stand. But before I tell you some of what I learned there, I really should describe how Franklins Gardens looks in 2024.

The Beacon Bingo building and the Franklins have disappeared and that area is all landscaped car parking. (Incidentally, it’s definitely not VIP parking – you can’t use that expression in the future for fear of upsetting anyone who may think you’re suggesting they are not important. Beware; everything is very PC in the future.) The Sturtridge Pavilion has been replaced by a massive stand, and on the Weedon Road side of that is a tall block containing a hotel, offices, shops and restaurants.

On the top floor are a number of outlets including Starbucks, a fast food shop called Tofu Town, the Saints Hall of Fame, the Saints Shopping Maul (what a cheesy title!) a restaurant and the Bistro. From there; Frank, Ernest and I could see the whole stadium and I must say it looks great.

The south stand has obviously been further increased in height since the first time in 2005 and the Prada stand is as high as the Tetleys. With the north stand completed, the horseshoe has become as circle. The north and south stands are higher than the sides and the roofline sweeps down and up accordingly .There are massive screens at either end but no standing areas – banned everywhere in 2012 for Health and Safety reasons.

I explained to my two companions that I had been away for some years and was anxious to learn what had gone on in the rugby world. Luckily for me they were keen to chat, and generous – a half litre of the popular “Stout AG 3000” (which, other than being vivid blue, smelled and tasted exactly like Guinness to me) was $69.99!

First of all I scoured the programme for familiar names. President - Leon Barwell, Vice President, Rugby – Budge Pountney, Backs Coach – Neil Starling are the only ones I recognise. I am surprised to see a picture of the Saints mascot Bernadette – 60% of supporters are women I’m told.

On the middle pages I find the team selections for Northampton Saints versus MK Wasps in the Ford Euro League. Obviously no current players feature in the line up. Players have either a flag (denoting international) or a star (denoting all-star) next to their name. I note that Saints have three England internationals in their team that day. We have both the English locks - Bozanic and Spasojevic, each over 7 feet tall, as well as a useful looking centre, Musab al-Zaqadi. Several Saints players have all-star status – more of that another time.

I turned from the programme and started to ask Frank and Ernest questions.

“Who won the World Cup in 2007?”

“France” came the reply, “England were humiliated and Andy Robinson was sacked afterwards”

“And who replaced him?”

Frank and Ernest exchanged glances, clearly thinking I must be really dim.

“Paul, now Sir Paul, Grayson” Frank said, emphasising the Sir.

“Blimey” I replied.

We were interrupted by a TASER (table server) bringing us menus and outlining today’s special.

“Today’s special,” the taser began “is grade one meat with a berry sauce, fries, and green beans”

“What kind of meat?” I asked and got the dim look again from everyone.

It turned out that actual meat derived from animals was banned by the Ministry of Animal Rights sometime around 2015. By 2024, if you wanted beef, lamb or whatever you had to travel outside Europe; although there was a place in Far Cotton that served real barbecued sausages and was sometimes known to put actual ham in a toastie – but you had to know when.

Anyway, we ordered three specials and I resumed my questioning.

“I see we played yesterday in the Ford Euro league. Does the Guinness Premiership still exist?”

“Well yes,” said Frank “but it’s the Stout AG 3000 league now”

That explained a lot, and with new-found enthusiasm I took another sip of my drink.

“I remember when it was the Zurich Premiership” I said “and there was a big debate about promotion and relegation every single year. Did that ever get resolved?”

Ernest’s reply was quite encouraging.

“In 2006 all of the bodies controlling and interested in rugby union – the RFU, Premier Rugby, the First Division guys, the old Sky TV – everybody – they all got together to do something they should have done years previously - and what any business should do. They asked their customers what they thought and what they wanted”

Frank continued “There was a huge market research project, by Nielsen I think. And the bottom line was that an overwhelming majority wanted to retain rugby’s sporting credentials and absolute fairness in all competitions.”

“So what was the outcome?” I asked.

“Well, automatic promotion and relegation every year from then on” said Frank

“I bet some of the owners didn’t like that,” I said “they were always going on about ring fencing”

“Well yes, but there were other changes,” Frank continued “the relegated team continued to receive premiership level funding for two years and that softened the financial blow for the team that went down. And all the teams in the premiership received the same level of central funding – not just the chosen few”

“What about ground criteria for the promoted club?”

“They had three years to achieve the level required, although there were staging points for every year” “That way, if they did get relegated immediately the improvements they had made were affordable.”

Ernest assumed the role of summariser “So the fans got what they wanted, the relegated clubs had a meaningful safety net and the promoted clubs had a fighting chance of complying with the ground criteria. And on that subject, they scrapped the primacy of tenure rules because most of the bigger clubs did not have it anyway”

Grade one meat, whatever it was made from, actually tasted quite good. We ordered coffee and I asked if smoking was permitted in the Bistro. This prompted wistful laughter as smoking, I learned, was not permitted anywhere in the UK., let alone that restaurant.

I was keen to find out how Paul Grayson had done as England Coach and I listened to the catalogue of achievements. World Cup winners in 2011, runners up in 2015 (losing 32-11 to USA) and then he retired in 2017 with a knighthood from King William at the behest of the Minister for Sport, Mr J Wilkinson.

Ernest and Frank both considered much of Paul’s success with England was due to resolving the club versus country problem. Although they could not remember exactly when the changes took place (they thought it was in 2008) they explained the gist of it.

“The basic problem was that the old system didn’t encourage the clubs to produce England players. Some clubs had expensive players on their staff that – in some years – only played a handful of games. There was always a feeling that the RFU wanted central contracts; and finally this kind of came about, except in reverse.”

My frown encouraged Ernest to explain. “England players remained contracted to their clubs. At the start of each season the England team management announced the squad and the fixtures and the training schedules. The clubs effectively leased the players to England for the periods they were required. “

“And for good money!” added Frank “If the average England player was earning a hundred thousand dollars back then”

“It would have been pounds then” I said

“Yes, a hundred thousand pounds; the clubs would get something like two thirds of that back from the RFU.” “So, you lost your player for a few games and for training sessions but effectively you made a profit”

“And that did the trick?” I asked.

“Pretty much so; having England players in your squad became more attractive. But also the game limits helped.”

“Game limits?”

“At about the same time, UK players were limited to 30 games a year. It was strictly enforced as it fell under the Health and Safety in Sport Bill – you could only be in a match squad 30 times a year, whether you actually played or not. That meant a lot of younger players got some bench space and some game time and that helped”

Frank sneered at the mention of the Health and Safety in Sport Bill. “Yeah, boxing was banned, motor sport was banned. They even banned darts in pubs!” “Then they banned smoking, then …”

I interrupted what was clearly going to be a tirade. “So come on, tell me - how successful have Saints been since the early two thousands, then?”

Ernest shook his head sadly. “Like it’s always been – a roller coaster” “Every ten years we hit the heights and half way through that ten years we hit rock bottom.” “Some folks can’t take it.” “A friend of ours,” (and actually he is a friend of mine but I can’t reveal his identity) “is in the Northampton Home for the Bewildered, all the time watching re-runs of Sponge Bob Square Pants. We put it down to being a Saints supporter for over thirty years” I made a mental note to visit my old friend in the Home, which although explained to me as being in the town centre, was actually six miles west of Oundle.

“Perhaps you should just give me the main points” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

Frank gave me a quick run through of the Saints roller coaster ride. “We won the Guinness Premiership in 2009 and 2010. As a result of that we were inaugural members of the Ford Euro League. We were relegated from that in 2014. We won the Stout AG3000 in 2019 and then got through the play-offs back into the Euro league”

“But we are bottom of the league again” I said, having studied the programme. “Lost to MK Wasps yesterday as well; any chance of surviving, do you think?”

“Nah!” they both replied. Frank added “Our next two games are away to the two big Spanish clubs, Barcelona and Biarritz – and I don’t fancy our chances there”

“Biarritz is in France” I said, and got the dim look again.

I had to go. And on some other occasion I will tell you about the All-Star games, changes to the rules and how Biarritz came to be in Spain. I am really sorry I forgot to ask who won the 2005 Lions Tour. But to make up for it, the winning numbers in the Virgin Lottery for 22 March 2024 are 8 15 17 23 26 34 and the bonus ball is 12. Get your tickets purchased, it’s a roll over with $233m prize money.