The Full Monty III - Gloucester

By Lord Montague Masters
March 2 2006

Monty's Back! In the third of our "Full Monty" series we take a look at what our distinguished reporter made of the trip to Glaws...

Gloucester 28 Saints24

Gloucestershire fire and rescue service have reported attending two fires at Kingsholm this afternoon. Firstly, Dean 'nice-boy' Ryan's ears caught ablaze whilst wagging his finger at the 4th official and then old pear-shaped the whistle blower's shorts went up due to friction of cards going in and out of his polyester pockets. In a counter incident Northants fire and rescue were called to Nether Heyford to dowse Geoff Allen who'd spontaneously combusted at the home crowds antics during kicks.

The police were in attendance too. They swiftly spotted known stripper Barry 'chipolata' Forrestal thanks to the Sky cameras and had him ejected as a precautionary measure.

There was a match in between sin bins at Gloucester. In fact it was a jolly nice match too. King Carlos has definitely found his Saints crown. In a post match interview he stated it was a last minute tactical change to:
"make it complicated" Saints lost 28-24 but get a losing bonus and that's not bad at Castle Grim. Budge was pleased too. He cleared up the point that Wally couldn't scrummage due to a very very sore neck and pointed out to the ex-back commentators that there is a world of difference between the front row of a scrum and anything else you may do on a rugby pitch. Still Mr Barnes knows best!

The Saints tries proved that London Buses do indeed come in threes and thankfully Bruce was not put off by the friendly locals trying to say hello. Just imagine if the forwards could get parity, everyone in the premiership would say:
"hello those Saints are a bit tasty"
If only there was another prop, lock and smoking flanker on the way........

Unfortunately polly parrot Simpson spank me spaniel had the last laugh as he copied a Saints move and scored an interception try.

The man of the match was undoubtedly Pearson whose five yellow cards earned him the referees bonus point and a box of Belgian chocolates from Marks and Sparks. When asked about the offences he stated that Northampton were the masters of their own downfall for not obeying his clear instructions for uncontested lineouts, mauls and tackle situations.

Interesting match fact. The lost set piece count for both sides was 4. The Saints line out was never praised, the Gloucester one was never criticised.

And so to next weeks training. Paula Radcliffes quirky methods have been ditched once and for all, not least for the suggested running styles impact on Wallys neck. The sprint training prior to Bath was obviously effective but the coaches have noticed that having less players on the pitch is probably a disadvantage. So this week the lads are having a training camp with Duncan Fletcher.