The Monty Masters Awards 2006
By Monty Masters
May 9 2006
Our irrepressible reporter, Monty Masters, looks back at the season that was, for COYSDC...
THE MONTY AWARDS 2005/6
Hello again beloved followers and welcome to Monty’s first annual end of season awards. To quote my number one fan, Mustapha Baq’an Sarni, please consider all such other awards to be a ‘pile of old tosh’.
Well what an improvement on last year. Simply splendid stuff especially after Christmas where fellow comeonyousaints.com’ers may be surprised to learn that we won the league! Yes that’s right, not only have many games been the proverbial two halves but the season has too! For the record since Christmas the Saints have played 14, won 10, drawn 1 and lost 4. If you discard the first half of the season the Saints are the league leaders pipping our near neighbours Leicester Tigers on points difference. If we’re playing with stats if you double the points for the second half of the season you get 80, Sale topped the league on 74. Conclusion: Northampton Saints are now the most consistent and entertaining bunch of jolly good chaps in English rugby. So my first award is for "Team of the Year": Northampton FC.
In the media this year we have been subjected to more tripe than Pedigree Pet Foods canning factory. One such piece of nonsense was that the style of rugby played in the Guinness Premiership was causing England to play like a bunch of giggling schoolgirls (which reminds me Beef drop me an email for that link.) Anyway the GP fought back. Rolling mauls anyone? Not a bit of it, 90 yard counter attacks are now the order of the day. It’s not just our beloved Saints who can flick the switch and blow teams away, London Irish do it, Gloucester do it, Bath do it, Worcester do it and even Leicester have discarded their baggy jerseys because they no longer desire to stow the ball there. It’s a revelation, no scrap that it’s a revolution! Of course we all know where it started. My second award for the most "Innovative Team of the Year" goes to: Northampton FC.
Try of the season. How on earth do you suppose I’m going to decide that? I can’t! Perhaps we need a poll or something. I doubt there would be a clear winner!
Not everything you read in the paper is a load of nonsense. One man this year has delivered articles of a consistent quality, to quote Mauri Dorris the Anglo Welsh Florist: “Week in and week out.” ChrisG, formerly Chris the Saint, formerly Chris the Saints Ed, your weekly man in the stands is worth 27p of anyone’s money. Always accurate, always the truth, always from the heart and always good sense. Take a bow Chris you win Monty’s "Rugby Writer of the Year" award.
To the "Player of the Season". Is there really any choice to be made? The overhead kick, I’m sorry THE OVERHEAD KICK. If I was blinded right then I’d happily not see anything ever again. Our Northern League cousins, St. Helens, sing a song when they’re giving out a jolly good shellacking: Annie’s song by John Denver.
(link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/soldonsong/songlibrary/ram/anniessong_jdenver_ra.ram)
Well King Carlos Spencer the first of St.James. You fill up my senses.
My next award is called Monty’s "Man of Heart". There are many candidates for this award but one who, this year, stands out in a crowd of damn fine human beings. Simon Robinson, Smurf, not only are you our human wikipedia but your successful defibrillator campaign was inspirational. In this section Carole also wins an award for outstanding knitting beyond the call of duty. Finally in the charity section Bob Stainsby wins the "Lifetime Achiever Award for not only surviving but then becoming the driving force behind the jewel in the COYSDC crown – Saints with Heart.
We’re blessed by the depth of quality rugby debate at COYSDC. There are a few in the higher echelons who really know their onions. We have of course the quirky Rob Richmond, Ajack the man who pretends he’s a fool, the analytical Odd Shaped Balls, Mr Jones our expert of all things Welsh, the insightful Gregor and then there is Broonie. A man if he was on a day time telly quiz show would have a simple nickname – THE KNOWLEDGE. I’ve never seen him without a beer in his hand and yet he remembers more about the game than the rest of us saw in the first place. Broonie you are the Monty Masters “Expert Poster of the Season”.
And finally I have a scribbling from air Bert regarding the Bert Haddon "Special Achievement Award". As ever I can’t understand a word so I’ll just have to type it word for word and hope my Microsoft spell checker doesn’t blow a gasket:
“Unacustummed as oi am at public roightin it is moi pleasure to anownce the Bert Adun proize. It goos tu Jon Clarke, Nobby weed a called im, but JC to yer yunguns. Bleedin marvelous ees bin. Threw gaps lokie a ferret up a gitty. Next seesun yew awl better get tickets quick, there’s some larruping to bee dun at the garduns. Come on yew Saynts!”
That’s it then see you all next season and Sale, Tigers, Wasps, Irish and Gloucester take a look over your shoulder, the Saints are marching!
Ed's note: Mr Masters fee for this article has been donated to Maddy Masters' designated charity for the 2005/6 season, "Butlers - Fight the Ban!"