Diary of a madman Part 3. (A leap into the future)
April 3 2020
The year is 2100, a small space voyager follows the same path as ye old 19:40 hrs Ryanair from Malaga’s flightline, sideways as usual as the stiff wind vortex emanating from the roaring crowd noise of Emerald Headingley knocks it slightly off course and it heads sideways into Leeds and Bradford international space centre.
Terry the space dog is on the centre of the field awaiting the teams, the music builds to a crescendo as Terry whips the crowd into a frenzy clapping his gloved paws!!!!!! (Terry wears gloves, it must be a uniform stolen from the 2003 World Cup as I only ever remember Steve Thompson and Matt Dawson wearing them) never worked that out but hey ho.
The almighty Leedshire Argonauts Take to the field it’s the 50th name reincarnation in the past 85 years, it was the brainchild of Sir Ian McGeechan, the great grandson of Geech, as a final assault on making one big county team and since the apocalypse changing the name of the county to Leedshire is a genius master stroke, it certainly threw the supporters who refused to shout “Yorkshire” and thought it funny to shout “Leeds” instead.
Back to the Apocalypse, and of course it was the fault and all the blame of Yorkshire Carnegie as is most things, the honest truth is this was our fault in a bold move in late 2018/19 the Spencer property dance troop was replaced on the completion of the South and North Stands a stimulating half time show of lights which if they didn’t bring on some form of fit they just got on your nerves, at the time no one understood the point of them until our alien overlords came down on the same flight path as the Jet2/Ryanair flights and took over the world.
Rugby might have been lost forever but as in the war of the worlds where a common cold ended the domination it was ended when they tried the long term sponsor beverage Tetley who have since used the sponsorship tag line “tastes like s**t but kills all known alien invaders”,
It was one of a long list of things YC were blamed for along with Britain’s nil points in the subsequent 12 Eurovision Song Contests the outcome of the last 10 general elections and even worse being accused of the media leak in the early announcement of who were actually in the masks of the masked singer!!!!!! Even though no one had ever heard of any of them.
Fresh from winning the most hated entity in the world, beating the cryogenically frozen Donald Trump and Roman Keating for the third year running, from the Rolling Maul forum; even though they found a cure for the trench foot virus and saved several kittens from up some very tall scary trees, the club rebuilt from the ashes and with the help of the mass of ultras formed under the great league massacre of 2019/20 now had a crowd of five and a dog found wondering in the South stand.
Years of up and down the leagues followed, not due to form or false sponsorship promises but by the various restructuring of leagues by the RFU which all came to the head in the great restructure of 2045/46 season in which clubs had had enough of constant rule changes by the rugby paymasters and revolted due to the ‘12 up 12 down and ring fencing the lot’ idea. This meant Saracens who had been forcibly relegated for the second time in their history this time for making extra payments of Haribo to the players on top of their wages, had in fact won the league on a technicality but were unable to defend their crown as they had been relegated to London div 5 in the restructure.
No-one could find a sensible solution to what was rapidly turning into a clusterf**k so an agreement was put in place that Rugby would be ring fenced, this has meant we still have to finish that season as there is just one league of over 400 clubs playing a home and away basis but it does seem to have banished all arguments.
The match ends, the Argonauts have lost again and remain rooted to the bottom but in the rollercoaster world of Leedshire it’s nice to have something that remains constant. We even have a Head Coach called Ford – though rumours that it is a re-incarnated Joe back to the club for the 37th time are yet to be proven.
This is of course a self-isolation, stir crazy musing and no disrespect is meant to anyone ……honest xpqs: qs:
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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2020:04:13:12:57:47 by Wildwillie .
Excellent read. Several laugh out loud moments. Thanks opus.
That plan is closely guarded secret.